To the teenager
in heavy make-up
a short pink skirt
fishnet tights
and Doc Marten boots
I say;
"keep being who you are
don't let life change you
...and don't loose that spark!"
If I Ruled The World
If I ruled the world
weekends would be five days long
and the working week just two
lunch hours would be two hours long
and pay would be doubled - taxes would be scrapped
everyone would be entitled to two months paid holiday a year
everyone would get a generous Costa coffee allowance
dull coloured cars would be banned
and no-one would be allowed to be horrible to walruses
getting out of bed before 9am would be illegal
and the sun would always shine
(except in the night time!)
If I ruled the world...
if I ruled the world
...the economy would crash
and all would come to a stand still
...but it would be fun for a couple of months!
dementia
It blows into your life like an autumn breeze
...you suddenly notice it
you don't want it
or need it
you certainly didn't ask for it
and like Autumn
it comes heralding change
it doesn't ring ahead and let you know it's coming
authorities don't warn you about it's presence in your area
there are no adverts in newspapers
warnings on television
daily ministerial updates
you can't wear a mask to prevent 'catching' it
or have a jab
or get boosted
and staying 2 meters apart won't prevent it - it just turns up!
then when it does
...you can't take a pill
or put a plaster over it
or rest it for awhile
or rub it better!
it creeps up on you like old age itself
you can't immediately see it
but it's there in the eyes of your loved one
you realize they are drifting away
you realize they know nothing of it
as they look right through you
a life-time is erased
all memories deleted
...it's a car crash - in slow motion!
it's no respecter of age
sex
gender
race
it's not even the privilege of the very old
look into their frightened eyes
their stumbling actions
their blank looks
their inability to keep up with conversations
all the madness within this madness
...you see they're drifting away
decaying
disconnecting with the world around them
eventually you have to search for them
all those things you had together - gone
and one day you'll find yourself thinking;
"it's me - why don't you recognize me?"
then the questions start...
"Have I got it,
is my forgetfulness - my forgetting what I went into the kitchen for - dementia?
my not recognizing someone I meet in the street?
I'm of that age - do I have it?"
and what of the effects on everyone else
the extended family
the dependants
partners - all notice the plodding decline
the slow departure
the imperceptible crumble to an inevitable end
all the stresses and strains it brings
the accepting the inevitable respite time
the heavy sense of failure that brings
the pain felt
all that professional help
the need for 24 hour support
the sense of loss
the sense of hurt
and the giant hole that's left when the end finally comes
"could I not have done more?"
...a hole that cannot be filled
but a hole that needs to be filled to cure the blight
that is
...dementia
(I dedicate this poem to my Mum, Dorothy who died in her early 50's from Altzheimers over 20 years ago)
Am I Old?
What is getting old - grey pubes and incontinence?
our childhood pop idols suddenly turning 65?
...or do we simply shed life's baggage
and loose our independenceour physical strength
and our sex drive
and we sit in chairs and read the obituary columns
to see if we recognize anyone
we label old age
"old men wrapped in sensible coats"
"old men in sensible, well polished shoes"
"old women all dolled-up"
"mutton dressed as lamb"
sayings like "getting on a bit"
"long in the tooth"
"no spring chicken"
you can have a "senior moment"
(I have many!)
you can be "sprightly"
you can be told to "act your age"
or to "grow up" - what? My physical age, or my mental age? (they're very different!)
age can be tender
be "grand" or "ripe"
you can start to "look it"
you can be "making the most" of it
"putting the years on"
or "be over the hill"
time can be kind to you despite having "one foot in the grave"
"being in god's waiting room"
or "waiting for the sunset"
old age borrows particularly from the seasons with many references to Autumn
"now the leaves are falling fast"
"summer's passing"
"it's yellowing, dying leaves"
"shortening days"
"looking ahead to the onset of winter (the final season)
"the dying light"
"the winter of our lives"
Poets and authors have featured many lines on it
"Youth and I are housemates still"
they talk of "Grey shadows"
"Give me immortality"
"...whilst we are getting old and dusty"
"What is it to grow old? Is it to feel every limb grow stiffer, every function less exact?"
"Could lonely wait my endless rest?"
"That is no country for old men"
"When I am an old woman I shall wear purple"
"But the older woman only; knows the ebb-tide leaves her lonely"
I write of old age as the nightmare of being sat in a highbacked chair
in a row of highbacked chairs
(none matching)
in the lounge of an old people's home
with the smell of disinfectant and urine filling my nostrils
jigsaws and relentless television
locks on all the doors just in case we finally remember something
like we don't want to be here!
care assistants busying themselves
Breakfast lunch dinner!
Breakfast lunch dinner!
endless cups of tea in chipped mugs
(I don't like tea)
No thank you!
although...
I don't want to be a burden
and I know I'll be a nightmare
when I'm old
if I am lucky enough
to become older
well
older than I am now
for I
as we all do
believe that we aren't old yet
until that one day
when having crept up on you
it smacks you 'round the face
and you ask yourself...
"Am I old?"
Questions
Where do thoughts go
I wonder what that tree thinks?
How long did this fence wait?Who owns the view?
What sound does a house make?
Can boredom pass the time?
What noise do weeds make when they grow?
How cumbersome is a flame?
Can I almost exactly be totally incorrect?
What flavour is a hole in the ground?
What do tree stumps do later?
How heavy is the sound of that aeroplane?
What colour is a thought?
How great is water?
How wonderful are clouds?
How awkward is music?
Can big things be small things at the same time?
Where has that moment gone?
And why might that be ok?
What noise does a conclusion make?
Can black be white?
Where does a sneeze go?
What does pain weigh?
What flavour is affection?
Do fingers nails make a sound when they grow?
Why not?
What does an idea taste of?
Does dust experience pain?
Who is - and why?
Can a fish believe?
What would wood do?
Is this the future?
Do earings feel pretty?
Does money feel wealthy?
Does a car enjoy speeding?
Where is nothing?
What does time cost?
What is it that the universe is worrying about?
Is amusement funny?
Do teardrops feel unhappy?
Does pain feel hurt?
...and where have all the socks gone that I've lost in the wash?
Grumpy Old Man
Don't tell me my hair's crazy!
I know.
I am a 61 year old male
and that qualifies me as a grumpy old man!
I like my crazy hair!
I like my colourful outfits.
If it's cold - I put on more crazy outfits!
I dress to the weather
and three quid is too much for a coffee - anyway, I've good coffee at home!
I am a grumpy old man!
I like my own company
I know what a good diet is
so no; I don't want 'fries' with that!
(and it's chips by the way!)
What you perceive as being stubborn
is actually me knowing what I want
I've lived long enough to know that!
I am a grumpy old man!
My testosterone levels may be down
my hearing may be half way out the door
and my concentration span - well that's shrunk to the size of a pea
but I'm certain
television programs were better back in the day
we may have hundreds of channels today - but there's still nothing worth watching for this grumpy old man!
I don't need everything in my life to be new
I don't need gallons of 'energy drinks' to make it through the day
and I certainly don't want the latest smartphone - and I don't want to pay for everything with one either
so you can keep your apps!
I - am a grumpy old man!
But I can do a good job
I can be relied upon
I call customers 'sir or madam'
and I still hold doors open for other people - I am 'old school '
I have a head full of knowledge
my body aches in certain places - but that's my body telling me its experienced
and I was taught how to do up my shoe laces!
This grumpy old man's clock is still ticking
but no-one knows how long they've got
and at 61
I might have less time left than you
but I was brought up not to be rude
I was brought up to respect other people
so if I blank you
when you see me
it just might mean
I've something better to do
with the precious time Ive got left
'cos I - I am a grumpy old man!
You've been warned!
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