Summary: Specialising in avoiding anything which looks like hard work, I have an ever growing reputation as the man not to ask if you need something doing.
Basic common sense, drive, ability, personality and likeability are just some of the characteristics I lack and I have a proven track record backing that up.
Education: "Our Convent of the Constipated Lady of the Night Secondary Boarding School"
University of life: Failed first year then was expelled
PhD from the University of Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia. Thesis on "Mongolian bribary, and how to easily fleece any government of cash" acquired off 'Bazza' in the pub for a 'monkey'
Other Qualifications:
GCSE: Histrionics, Flatulance, Smoking behind the bike shed and advanced laziness
A levels: Mathematics, Further Mathematics, Even Further Mathematics, again off my mate 'Bazza' in the pub for just a 'pony' each - bargain!
Catching my dressing gown pockets on cupboard door handles.
Tripping over flat surfaces and
having an amazing inability to parallel park.
References: I've bunged 'Bazza' an extra 'score' so he'll confirm everything's kosher
