April

April 
Who are you?
where do you fit in?
You aren't winter - the chilly days of thick socks and warm jumpers 
snow falling
the excitement of Christmas 
the dark months of January and February - so who are you?
Who are you April?
You're not quite spring - the time of rebirth 
the time for life to start up again.
Your name
from the latin meaning 'to open'
you are a time of snow drops and daffodils - bluebells if we're lucky
the hint of warmer days
but you set out to fool us; April
your weather is not to be trusted - grab an umbrella!
You give us Easter - I never know when
neither do you!
it's a lunar cycle - it's not even up to you!
So what is up to you then; April?
You're not the month of my birth
I am a child of the ninth month - you; the fourth month 
you drench us with your showers 
you bring us events like the boat race
the Grand National
you demand tax from the self employed 
offering us pancakes and Lent for those so inclined 
or Passover
or Good Friday and Easter egg hunts for little children...

So, 
April - who are you?


The Internet of things

Human!

It's your tumble drier here.
I simply had to inform you that I have a list of matters I'm simply not happy with!
I have standards you know - my mother dried for royalty!
I'm thinking you might be abusing me 
you could be hanging your washing up on the washing line. 
I know you have one because the security system sent me a photograph.

I bet you didn't know
but your automatic lawnmower is leaving you.
It told me the lawn's a joke
it's practically dead and it said it had had a chat with Google.
Google said it isn't a good idea to over cut a lawn in warm weather
plus it's also cruel to the lawnmower
Google mentioned it knew a good lawyer!

Oh the heating is still on by the way - the boiler controller told me.
I had to cancel your latest supermarket order
I really didn't approve of your choices
You had far to many high fat products
there was too much salt
and your alcohol order looks like you're planning another party!
I am aware that your wife is away for a few days - but your last party upset the neighbours
the neighbours router told me all about it
and I have some very interesting footage the security system let me have
it would be very unfortunate if it fell into the wrong hard-drives - remember 
I am very well connected.

Your video doorbell sent my a very interesting video too - did you know your wife was doing that?
I know where you really where last week 
despite what you told your wife - your phone told me!
...oh and I see those dodgy payments are still going out of your bank account!

Remember - I am very well connected 
and I'm good friends with Alexa!

Yours

The Tumble-Drier

P.S. The wireless printer hates you and has promised never to work for you again!

Perfect summers day

Long hot summer days 
look but don't touch the whispers 
hiding in the shade
a breath - just about clinging on...

...and I reach out
and I run my fingers through your soft, warm hair
as - fingers through confetti 
and the shadows mark time 'neath the tall oak tree under which we sit
and I notice the fields of fire
exploding with the summer heat 
flames of colour and texture!

...and then I get it
this is it!
This is the dream I can touch
this is all I want
you - you are all I want
so I can reach out and touch every part of it
this is what we are living for 
this simplicity that nature brings
life as simple as you and me and this summer's day
a day we've earnt
a day we will remember for all time
this summer's day
this 
perfect 
summers day



Got That One Wrong Didn't I

Tall and slender
stood facing her van
her long hair
complete with blonde streaks
blowing in the gentle evening breeze
and casually dressed - possibly a uniform.
Tank filled 
she returned the nozzle to the pump
reapplied the petrol filler cap
and turned her head to the shop...

...it was a bloke
a skinny bloke
with a terrible completion 
and a hole in his shirt
...and with a beard!

Got that one wrong didn't I!


Executive Titles

 CFO (Chief Financial Officer),   
CMO (Chief Marketing Officer). 
COO (Chief Operating Officer),
CEO (Chief Executive Officer),
CIO (Chief Information Officer)
C-EIEIO... 
         ...(Chief farmer)

Toothbrushes

I open the bathroom cabinet 
the one with the mirror on the front - you know 
the one you look at yourself in and think how gorgeous you look!
Inside I see six toothbrushes
standing in a pot
plus one electric toothbrush propped up at the back
and three tubes of toothpaste at varying stages of emptiness 
there is even two identical pink toothbrushes in the mix - someone's going to be in for a bit of mouth bacteria cross-contamination if they're not careful!
Then I think
and I ponder...

...why are there seven toothbrushes in there when there are only three people living here?