Human!
It's your tumble drier here.
I simply had to inform you that I have a list of matters I'm simply not happy with!
I have standards you know - my mother dried for royalty!
I'm thinking you might be abusing me
you could be hanging your washing up on the washing line.
I know you have one because the security system sent me a photograph.
I bet you didn't know
but your automatic lawnmower is leaving you.
It told me the lawn's a joke
it's practically dead and it said it had had a chat with Google.
Google said it isn't a good idea to over cut a lawn in warm weather
plus it's also cruel to the lawnmower
Google mentioned it knew a good lawyer!
Oh the heating is still on by the way - the boiler controller told me.
I had to cancel your latest supermarket order
I really didn't approve of your choices
You had far to many high fat products
there was too much salt
and your alcohol order looks like you're planning another party!
I am aware that your wife is away for a few days - but your last party upset the neighbours
the neighbours router told me all about it
and I have some very interesting footage the security system let me have
it would be very unfortunate if it fell into the wrong hard-drives - remember
I am very well connected.
Your video doorbell sent my a very interesting video too - did you know your wife was doing that?
I know where you really where last week
despite what you told your wife - your phone told me!
...oh and I see those dodgy payments are still going out of your bank account!
Remember - I am very well connected
and I'm good friends with Alexa!
Yours
The Tumble-Drier
P.S. The wireless printer hates you and has promised never to work for you again!
