Toothpaste

Toothpaste used to clean your teeth

may-be freshens your breath - but that was all.

These days it fights!

It fights bacteria 

gum disease 

and plaque!

It's a system

It's oral health

It controls

prevents

repairs

replaces.

It builds up

defends

cares for 

and whitens 

Not just for today

but for 24

48

even 72 hours!

It's 15 times more effective 

It is the weapon of choice in the war that goes on in your mouth - did you know there was a war going on in your mouth?

Your gum-line is receading and needs re-enforcing

the troops need resupplying 

more troops must be sent to the front

it's total command and control

total cavity war-fair 

total decay prevention!

Daily but gentle white-if-ication 

daily total comprehensive and focused!

With optical-sensitive max-whitening

it's caring and gum calming

it offers complete optimal gum care 

total gum personality modification

with a hyper rapid molecular gum demogrifying complex!

A total attraction to-the-oppisite sex with a built-in and an instant magnetic attraction generating formula...

I made those last bits up - if you didn't know!

For Sale:

Light-weight mobile home for sale

Excellent condition - strong and hardwaring 

Never raced

Very low mileage

Bijoux - but fully self-contained

perfect for one

fully waterproof 

surplus to requirements due to recent bereavement 

Open to offers

Contact: Mrs Snail (a relative of the deceased)

When we sleep

I prepare chicken for 

dinner as we are entertaining

this evening. As my wife 

attempts to wake the 

garden from its long winter 

slumber, a train slowly rumbles

into the station across

the end of our garden. I

raise my head briefly. The 

11:20 from London is full with 

people - people who know 

nothing of us, nothing of 

who we are, where we came 

from - our hopes and dreams

and of the places we go to...

when we sleep. 

Is Beyond Me!

With night fall and without the female 

the male of the species

leave the nest and head to the local petrol station.

They go in search of alcohol and rubbish things to eat

the kind of foods the female wouldn't touch nor feed theie off-spring.

The average male needs many cans of lager, found in packs of 4 - the cheaper the better

to wash down the trays of those meatballs - the rip off copies of those by the famous out of town Swedish furniture store.

A favourite of the male are the over-priced sandwiches 

because the male isn't able to place

a filling of their choosing

in-between two slices of Co-ops finest sliced white themselves.

They are then found with handfuls of bags of sweets

and as many packets of crisps as they can carry - of course they didn't bring a bag

so drop some.

Notice how they've gone dressed in the shirts of their favourite football teams 

some nights they go in preparation for an event called the "Big Match"

an event where United get stuffed by City - as usual 

The cans of lager help the male see the best of their team where perhaps there isn't any

especially as United are 15th in the league and falling like a rock!

Fully stocked

and quite unexpectedly 

the males don't return straight to their nests

but stop off at a place known as "the pub" where they are known

to buy hooky gear from a guy called "straight Tony"

as well as having a pint or six

despite their recent purchases from the petrol station.

On finallyreturning to the nest in the wee small hours

we see the female waiting on the door step.

The female will greet the male with

a piercing scream shouting

"If you've spend the bloody rent money again and pissed it up against a wall - I'll bloody well kill you!"

Slaming the door in the the males face

the female returns to the off-spring in the nest

the male

once more

faces another cold night sleeping in his van.

Quite how these two ever made a nest together

and managed to have four children - is beyond me!

(Haiku)

The moon sits amidst

clear night skies and winter fights 

springs awakening.

Career Advisor

All I ever wanted to be sort of waxed and waned

I never had big dreams

like wanting to be a spaceman

or drive a steam train

It all sort of came and went

I did think I might join the navy - but that idea went after 5 minutes

I'm nobody's sailor

it would have been a disaster!

I'm 63 and I still don't know what I want to do for a career!

I'd like to be a world famous poet or artist

or both

and make lots of money from my work

I might go and find a career advisor and see what they say!