Early morning and
the colours of autumn drove
me to write haiku
It Hadn't Been the Best of Starts to our Holiday
The airport carpark was almost empty! - because the airport was shut
we checked our mobiles - the travel company had sent us an email which we didn't see
luckily the travel company had arranged a shuttle bus service predicting just this scenario - and we got on the right bus but to the wrong airport
we found ourselves stuck at the wrong airport - the travel company laid on a taxi at a very reasonable rate
finally at the right airport we checked in our baggage - it was over weight and we were never to see it again!
once on a plane - it was the wrong plane but it had our luggage
we had to get off - but our luggage didn't
on the correct plane but blissfully unaware our luggage wasn't - we were now 18 hours late
when we arrived on the island - it was raining, the first time in 18 years apparently!
at the baggage carousel we waited for our baggage - naturally it didn't show as it was having a holiday of its own somewhere else in the world
finally at the hotel and very tired, we went to our room to rest - but the flashing glow from the red light outside our window kept us awake. There was a funny smell, and it was very warm!
we gave up and decided to walk down to the beach, the gossamer clouds parted - only it was smoke, we thought from a fire perhaps a barbecue somewhere, how nice!
I looked up into the dark night sky and saw the moon - only it was rows and rows of streetlightsdistracted, I tripped and banged my head.
When I came round I thought I saw the stars twinkling - it was stars but the type you get when you bang your head. There were bits of concrete left lying around, appartently left after a hotel burnt down
lying on the ground I felt a warm summer breeze brush my face - only it was the exhaust gases of a passing bus which nearly ran me over after my fall
I got up and gazed across the shore at a beautiful passing yacht lit by the moon, or so I thought - it was in fire and the captain was shouting as the yacht was sinking
I got up dusted myself off and we walked to the shore to see if we could help.
There I heard the peaceful sound of the waves lapping on the shore - only it was the traffic on the motorway flyover
there was a smell in the air - it seemed like something was burning, probably another barbecue
I felt the warm sand caressed my toes as I walked - only I was being bitten by crabs
we turned and headed back to our hotel - there seemed a lot of kerfuffle
we followed a glow and as we turned a corner - we found the hotel had been totally gutted by the fire
We sat on a bench within view of the hotels remains as it burnt
and we noticed the still flashing
still working
red light
finally
tumble into the embers
and eventually stop flashing...
and we cried
It hadn't been the best of starts to our holiday!
War (You Want To Kill Them))
People.
Ordinary people
'like you and me' sort of people
people just trying to live a lifedo what they do
believe what they believe
worship who they will
and all that
free from fear of ridicule
assault
persecution
fear of attack
of death...
always in fear
People...
trying to enjoy a life
to dance and party
now want to fight.
Trying to enjoy a life
raising a family
now wanting to sign up to kill
perhaps be killed.
Trying to enjoy a life
to defend what they see as right...
to exist
not to have to cower in basements
as sirens wail...
to have their life
not bullets and bombs and rockets and hate
not to hate your neighbour so
that you want to kill them
with knives and guns and munitions
...or with your bare hands - you want to kill them!
Twelve
Finding yourself at twelve - being twelve years old
is finding yourself in a time of many physical, mental and emotional changes
...as puberty strikes!
your hormones are changing
you know you are changing - but you don't know why!
you certainly don't know what you're changing into
as it goes
you are quite happy with your life
I was quite happy with my life at twelve
you're actually quite happy having your parents look after you
feed and clothe you
give you pocket money to waste on rubbish
drive you to school - in fact
school was the biggest thing being asked
of the twelve year old you
the rest of the time you could act the fool
twang girls bras
and nothing much more was expected of you - why wouldn't you be happy!
This is a picture of my very middle class twelve year old life by the way
the son of teachers
nice house
small boat
two cars
long summer holidays in France
presents at Christmas and birthdays
hey, we are all prisoners to our upbringing
I'm sorry if this wasn't your image of twelve!
As a twelve year old I knew about this change
I could feel it
but what was this hair thing!
most boys grew facial and pubic hair
I grew hair everywhere
except on the soles of my feet and the palms of my hands!
What was this change all about?
At twelve I knew the mechanics of sexual reproduction
and I knew that girls were very very interesting
and that they hadn't grown hair!
but why hadn't they grow hair
like me!
I think at twelve I would have been happy to stay as I was
not knowing anything about adulthood
of course that's what all those changes were making me
preparing me for becoming an adult
a grown up man
having a deeply manly voice
but what was being an adult!
I didn't know about working 9 to 5 for 45 years
paying a mortgage for 30 years to put a roof over my own head
not having my parents sort out everything
to have responsibilities!
responsibilities?
Why the hell wouldn't I want to stay twelve!
But then here I am
62
and I managed to make that transition
and cross the void from once being twelve
being selfish
self-centred
dependant
...for let's face it
at twelve
you are a bit like that aren't you?
"Mum I'm hungry!"
"Mum I'm thirsty, hot, cold, blue, green, upsidedown etc etc etc"
not doing any thing for yourself really
obviously being the son of two teachers
I was taught to cook and clean and knit and sew and wire a plug
everything!
"but I'm twelve you surely don't meant I must use these new skills!"
So twelve?
What age would I like to choose to be frozen in time at?
Would it be twelve?
Having worked it all out
well most of it - I still can't work out why humans think leaf-blowers are a cool idea
having worked out what all the hair is about
if you don't know me I have long hair and have had some sort of beard since I was eighteen
having worked out that growing up meant maturing - maturing!
indeed boys do take longer to mature
if they do it at all - I still laugh at things I'm told I perhaps shouldn't
like farting for instance
but I don't twang my wife's bra as it's annoying and immature - apparently
So
twelve?
...maybe not
The Dilemma
The dilemma...
There is a beautiful sky out there
but there is washing up to do.
The thought process...
The beautiful sky is transient
washing up is permanent.
The outcome...
Grab camera!
Mental Health
There are so many mental health issues to suffer from:
OCD
ADHD
PTSD
Anxiety
Dementia
Depression
Bipolar
Schizophrenia
Eating Disorders
etc etc etc etc etc...
I think that people who say they don't have a little of one of these don't know they do
How can you not have a little
of one or two of those?
Take dementia - is it forgetting things?
When is dementia, amnesia?
As you can tell I am no doctor
but there seems a connection
Can you remember you had amnesia if amnesia is about forgetting things?
Where do your memories go to if you loose them?
They say it's like computers when techies say the file is there
the file maybe there
only the computer has lost the link to it
think of a book with an index but with no page numbers!
But, symptoms of amnesia include more than memory loss
they include confusion - loosing your memory is going to leave you confused!
You have lost the ability to recognise familiar faces or locations
later - after recovery
people typically have no memory of their amnesia - which given it's nature you would expect
but dementia!
when does memory loss become dementia?
Come on we've all had that thought!
symptoms include asking the same questions over and over again
not knowing you're doing it
getting lost in places you knew well
having trouble following recipes or directions - wait a minute
I get these problems all of the time!
...don't you?
does that mean I have dementia?
It's difficult isn't it!
What if you hear voices in your head?
What if the voices in your head are real
well; at least you think they're real!
and how do you know they're not?
What if it's not just you chatting away to yourself? - what do you mean you don't talk to yourself in your head constantly!
I do!
So what if I hear someone else's voice in my head - sort of interject?
I haven't by the way!
Professionals call hearing voices 'auditory hallucinations'
An 'hallucination' is something you see
taste
smell
or hear
that other people cannot
so - are they not there then?
If you hear voices
in your head
this means you hear something that other people cannot!
I think it is a good thing you cannot hear the voice in my head - it wants locking up sometimes
and would be of you could hear it!
but it is difficult and it is a fine line
They say 1 in every 8 people in the world lives with a mental disorder
does that mean the other 7 from every 8 are not living with anything?
...I don't think so!
There are so many mental disorders going around
we all must have a little of one or two of them - mustn't we?
Aren't a lot of us prone to feeling down?
Isn't that a little bit of depression?
Aren't a lot of us a bit obsessive about certain things
Isn't that a little bit of OCD?
don't we all forget things?
Is this the start of dementia
well probably not!
Mental disorders involve significant disturbances in thinking
in emotional regulation or behaviour
so what causes disturbing thoughts?
Thoughts you perhaps shouldn't have?
Intrusive thoughts can occur due to various factors
like during periods of anxiety
stress, depression, trauma
or other underlying mental health conditions
one or two of which I reckon we all have a little of
is it self-perpetuating?
They may be due to imbalances in brain chemistry
or environmental stress or learned thought patterns.
Take OCD
What is an OCD person like?
Who are they?
Are they different from you or I?
It's not that simple
OCD is intrusive
people with OCD may have obsessions or compulsions
or both
obsessions could be repeated thoughts
urges or mental images that are intrusive and unwanted
they make most people anxious
so there you go again - if you think you have OCD you might have anxiety too
to a certain level
then your illness might develop
your basic OCD might develop into a fear
a fear of germs or contamination
a fear of forgetting
misplacing something
loosing something
and then you're back round to thinking you have dementia!
Round and round and round!
Now
I'm no expert
and I am not trying to belittle mental health
I have experience in the subject
my Mum died of Altzhiemers
it was horrible to watch
an intelligent women
a teacher
a perveyor of knowledge - completely loosing all of hers
to the point where she didn't know who I was
I suffered with depression for many years
brought on partly by her death
she was in her early 50"s
it is a real thing
anyone who thinks they are clear of it needs to be aware
it could be around the next corner
at any level
my Mum's death sent my Dad off the rails and into hospital
luckily he came through it and is still with us at the age of 91
but...
it - is - real!
and
it - is - out - there!
and it could come knocking on your door at any time
remember - people with a mental illness aren't just feeling a bit pissed off
feeling a bit grumpy
and in need of cheering up...
No!
they are unwell and need various levels of support
...it is so true to say
but please
take this away with you
"be nice to people,
because you don't know what real hell they are going though!"
Thank you
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