Christmas Pudding Ingredients

Flour and fat.
And breadcrumbs and syrup.
And peel and apple and carrot and fruit.
And that stuff you find at the bottom of your handbag.
And fluff from your belly-button.
And ear wax!
And an old sweet left in the glove compartment of your dad’s car for at least a million years.
And the loose change from your mum’s coat.
And that screw you lost.
And all those bits you find at the bottom of everybody’s freezer.
And all the other things you find that you don’t want when you are trying to find something else.

A sock.
And the stuff that covers your clothes after some twit leaves something in the pocket of a pair of trousers which then gets washed.

Dust.
And that soap and hair mixture that blocks the plug hole after mum washes her hair in the bath.
And rock from mars!
And nuts and dark sugar and booze and spices and stuff!

(Haiku)

I'd rather have the 
time than the money - money
can always be earnt...

(Haiku)

"You're a happy man"
they say! I say "I've a lot
to be happy for!"

What Is Normal Anyway?

Normal.
Remember 'normal?'
Normal used to be many things it isn't now.
Normal used to be Saturday afternoon on the terraces, 
cheering 'em on.
Saturday evening in the pub, 
with ya mates,
celebrating a win!
Normal used to be a visit to see your Mum,
a hug when you turned up,
and kiss when you left.
Normal used to be not having to wear masks,
and not getting 'looks' when you leave it in the car by mistake.

Normal is now sitting in your Dads lounge and everyone has a mask on.
Normal is phrases like,
'Lockdown',
'Virus',
'Social distancing'...
'Anxiety',
Normal is being anxious!

Normal?
"What's normal?" people ask.
Nobody knows anymore.
"It's the new normal!" people say.
What does that mean?
The new normal is waiting for a vaccine. 
Waiting for a letter from your doctor saying come in and get vaccinated. 
Perhaps 'waiting' is the new normal.
Waiting to see if you'll survive the chaos.
The financial chaos,
the social chaos.
Perhaps chaos is normal.

Normal?
What's normal anyway?


I Wish It Was Six PM!

People say "don't wish your life away!"
Even though everyone must have had that thought at 6 or 7 o'clock on a cold damp morning. 
You know the one that goes, 
"I wish it was 6pm!"

Well; don't wish your life way!
What about all those wonderful things that will happen between now and then!
Those things that you'd miss out on like...

The small matter of having to crowbar the kids out of their 'pits',
the small matter of trying to get them to eat something remotely healthy before they go,
and the small matter of getting them to go in the first place!

As well as maybe getting something for yourself for breakfast! 
As well as you having time to rustle up some lunch from what used to he the contents if the fridge,
and as well as you not missing the train! 

Then; getting to work in perfect time to have to make everyone in the office coffee,
then; trying to get your computer to start - "sometime today please!"
then; having to 'prep' that 10am meeting you didn't have time to 'prep' for last night!

Oh; and answering all those emails,
Oh; and reschedule that 10am meeting because someone very important is unable to make it,
Oh; and getting yourself some lunch 'cos you didn't have time to do it and anyway the kids had 'totalled' the fridge.

Not forgetting the rush to get it all done by 5pm,
not forgetting to not miss the train for the second time today
and not forgetting to pick up your sanity on the way out!

I wish it was 6pm!

(Haiku)

...pull your mask up to
cover your eyes and pretend 
it's not happening...