Sh1t Morning Commute

(An ode inspired by; and in homage to 'John Cooper- Clarke')

Shit on me windscreen that me wiper won't reach,
Shit mornin' commute 'cos "my life's a beach!"

Got three quid in me tank 'cos I ain't been paid,
got a porn on my passenger seat 'cos I can't get laid!

Put a camera on me 'elmet cos the bastards can't drive,
Put an 'elmet on me 'ead cos I'd rather be alive.

Me expressionless 'visage' -
Don't  interact with me
I'm suited and booted,
me lanyard and me.

Me expressionless mobile
and coffee to go
on me mornin' commute,
I don't want to know!

A Bloke I Went to School With

I met a bloke I went to school with,
and he had grey hair,
and looked old -
and he had a flash car,
flasher than mine!

I guess he must thought the same thing!
That he met a bloke that he went to school with,
and that he had grey hair and looked old!

Maybe he didn't spot my car,
so maybe he didn't think that his car more flash than mine,
or maybe he's matured better than me!

Mr Whitely

Mr Whitely,
Holding tightly...
Then puzzled slightly,
Breathing lightly...

Mrs Whitely,
Though fit and sprightly...
Not as brightly,
Late, politely...

The doctor - rightly,
Treading lightly...
"twice nightly" the cause most likely remained.
At ninety - two with looks unsightly,
Most of us refrain,
Quite rightly!


That beer is drunk!
True, she lied
The sky is blue,
and so is your mouth!
If a newspaper is read,
what colour is blood? she asked.
Black is white and white; black -
prove me wrong she argued!
I looked in a mirror and it told me an untruth...

Trouble at the Bank

Mr Green died.

His account red -
His own obituary.

At the church
The trumpets blue -
With cold
and the mourners wore black,

The bells peeled in the sun.

Demistifying Pad

I bought a demistifying Pad from the car care section at my local petrol station.
Least, I thought that's what I thought it was called..
I must admit,
life still feels very confusing  - even with it!