Adverts
Apparently we wake up in a bed
alongside someone we're obviously not sure about
someone who mentions the wrong type of breakfast cereal
and that you need to get rid of
using a secret
built in 'getting rid of the person who's in your bed that you're not sure about' device
We go and have a shower
washing our hair in shampoo that doesn't just wash our hair
it brings peace across the world and cures hunger
using a shower gel that doesn't just clean us
it gets rid of your 'spare tyre'
gives you a '6-pack'
and makes you fives inches taller!
We then brush our teeth with toothpaste that
strengthens
rebuilds
removes
whitens - then ends all wars
and gives us perfect teeth, of course
then we smother ourselves in colognes
which drive us through deserts in classic American cars
make us run through huge French chateaus
with flowing designer dresses
making us irresistible to the opposite sex - does anyone understand cologne adverts?
In our perfect home
even our domestic appliances are at it
they connect us to extraordinary - apparently!
I just want a kettle to boil water for a coffee
and a fridge to make sure the milk doesn't go off
We now follow our children around our perfect homes
with a cloth
and a cleaning product
mopping up their mess
a mess which they don't get told to clean up
stains on floors
dropped food
and don't even mention what the dog did!
And this product
of course which isn't just a cleaning product
it doesn't just kill germs
it kills 99% of germs
germs that are hard to reach
and now cures all known diseases
cures all hunger
and again - gives you perfect teeth!
Everyone has perfect teeth!
The Turks must be going mad!
And with all this mess our children make
we need our clothes washing
and as if the modern washing powder isn't smelly enough
you have to have a fabric softener with extra scent
and add scent boosters as well
which make people sniff you all day
because of course if your clothes smell of these scent boosters
then they must be clean - right?
Now; god forbid there'll be areas of your perfect house
which might get dirty!
You will have to buy sprays which apparently correct thousands of household problems - like you'd let your dog go and lay on your sofa
and that your perfect house would never smell!
Apparently houses do
as you now have to have
a plug-in device which sprays scent all over your house
in a variety of combinations
mixing 3 smells at random.
Oh and of course you'll have a car
remember when cars used to just carry you and your family around?
they're now
electric
or
hybrid
it's now an experience
it's smooth
it's vibrant design
it's connected
it's emotion - NO! it's a method of getting around!
Then we can take our daughter on this mad shopping spree
buying just what she wants until the bank says NO!
How am I going to pay for or all this I hear you cry!
Don't worry
We can help you save!
You can invest with us and then buy stuff
or just get a credit card and you can buy all these things
and live the perfect life - forgetting you have to pay them back
along with an APR of 88% or more!
Do I think adverts live in a real world?
What do you think!
