Shut The Line Again

There was a bus in the village pretending to be a train

they're doing something somewhere and have shut the line again!

A bus with delusions of grandeur 

to a train is no match

well at least it's better than nothing and it's something we can catch - that said I could easily have caught the flu

something I would rather not do!

"Rail replacement" this bus was called

if it's there tomorrow they'll be appalled 

the men in suits will have a committee formed

and feet upon the fire warmed 

of those who this the trouble caused

the total equalibrium paused 

I'm not sure if they have even tried

to find why such action was applied

it'll be like on the highways with all those cones

with a number to call which no-body phones

but they'll mutter and moan and never claim 

"BOLLARDS!" -  that's their proper name!

And then upon a post I saw

next to the deserted station - and covering the floor

posters explaining the reasons why

they'd need two weeks for a solution to apply

"track through the tunnel is life expired"

so track replacement work required 

that will shut those suits up tight

work to get them home safe at night

to make sure nothing comes off those rails...

at least it'll be nice and quiet - but with no ticket sales!

Tittle-tattle

Been here for years and 

not one to "prattle"

Ya know - not keen on "tittle-tattle"

we like to keep ours noses out 

but, I see things when I am about

like, I don't think him and her are still as one

I don't quite know what either's done

They are new across the way

only came the other day

the "bizzy-body" down the road

still sticks her nose round our abode

and him who's always at his bike 

cleaning and tinkering as ya like

he is a mechanic so there it goes 

washing it with his high pressure hose

and there's the one who I can't decode 

says she hates everyone in the road

those two there -  they're retired 

tending their garden even when it's not required 

and that family with kids that always decorate 

their house each season - something I hate

and him with his flag pole without consent

flying a flag for every event

and that bloody dog - as bold as brass

barks at us every time we pass

there's the grumpy one, he always moans

there's nothing right with anything he owns

but she's alright, she's had it tough

some kind of illness - think she's had enough

Him in the corner lost his missus

I don't think it was all hugs and kisses

not really for me to say

but I saw him out, the other day!

Like I said, we keep our noses out 

it's not our business - and there's no doubt

and it's not really for me to say

but...

I myself 

I wouldn't do it that way

Nah not really!

Tech Talks

Apparently our air fryers are talking to the Chinese government 

telling them what we're having for tea.

Our hair straighteners are telling them just how grey we are all going

and our toasters just how often we burn our toast.

You thought your camera doorbell was keeping an eye on just who came to the door...

It's not

it's reporting back on how often you mow the front lawn

and what pattern you give it.

Got one those digital "Alexa" thingys?

Think on!

Every time you use the word "hippopotamus" 

the Chinese government get sent a report 

on which episode of "Corry" you're watching

They're not to be trusted!

These smart devices - they communicate with the enemy!

I had to get up for a wee the other night

and I caught my electric toothbrush and beard trimmer 

at it on the landing!

Don't trust them! 

They're going to reproduce

and take over.

They're going to take-over the world!

Once the computers and the smart phones get involved - you take care!

It's not called a smart phone for nothing you know!

Hey it's true - the Chinese voices in my head told me so!

A King in a Small Bathroom

You can feel like a king 

if you only have a small bathroom 

for...

if sat on your throne - attending to business 

and you find

the essentials are missing 

you can reach the shelf 

on which these desired requisites are stored

and...

although you now are a king who is forced to do his own bidding

this potential catastrophe...

may be averted!

How I come to write what I write

Washing around my brain

like a washing machine of spinning rain

of stuff it's hoovered up

like thoughts collected in a cup

the stuff that my eyes have seen

and all the stuff in-between 

what we do

and say

and think

like a computer on the blink

a mad collection of thoughts

sometimes ones 

and sometimes noughts 

random ideas I've surmised 

that even I get surprised

so I have to get them out

or go mad with out a doubt

my head full of dispairs

like a piano shoved down the stairs

a cacophony of distruction

an alien abduction

takes me into the realm

of a two year old at the helm 

like a political rampage

a lettuce showing its age

a train of thought derailed 

a creative process failed

rubbing passed a thorn

trousers duly torn

blood from in me drawn

and 

so 

a poem 

...is born

Questions

How long is soon

when is later 

and 

how distant is forever?

When does small become large

where is the middle?

and how worrying is confidence?

How often is a lot?

How likely is perhaps?

What is nearly interesting?

How sure is confusion 

what number is insufficient 

how much is roughly 

how huge is a tad

and when is sometime?

How bright is dark

what amount is regularly 

how weak is strength 

how abrasive is silk

how calm is a storm

and how big is wide?

How pleasant is profanity 

What is the best time?

when is maybe?

What shall I do when?

and who shall I do why?

But when shall I stop?

...now!