Tittle-tattle

Been here for years and 
not one to "prattle"
Ya know - not keen on "tittle-tattle"
we like to keep ours noses out 
but, I see things when I am about
like, I don't think him and her are still as one
I don't quite know what either's done
They are new across the way
only came the other day
the "bizzy-body" down the road
still sticks her nose round our abode
and him who's always at his bike 
cleaning and tinkering as ya like
he is a mechanic so there it goes 
washing it with his high pressure hose
and there's the one who I can't decode 
says she hates everyone in the road
those two there -  they're retired 
tending their garden even when it's not required 
and that family with kids that always decorate 
their house each season - something I hate
and him with his flag pole without consent
flying a flag for every event
and that bloody dog - as bold as brass
barks at us every time we pass
there's the grumpy one, he always moans
there's nothing right with anything he owns
but she's alright, she's had it tough
some kind of illness - think she's had enough
Him in the corner lost his missus
I don't think it was all hugs and kisses
not really for me to say
but I saw him out, the other day!
Like I said, we keep our noses out 
it's not our business - and there's no doubt
and it's not really for me to say
but...
I myself 
I wouldn't do it that way

Nah not really!


Tech Talks

Apparently our air fryers are talking to the Chinese government 
telling them what we're having for tea.
Our hair straighteners are telling them just how grey we are all going
and our toasters just how often we burn our toast.
You thought your camera doorbell was keeping an eye on just who came to the door...
It's not
it's reporting back on how often you mow the front lawn
and what pattern you give it.
Got one those digital "Alexa" thingys?
Think on!
Every time you use the word "hippopotamus
the Chinese government get sent a report 
on which episode of "Corry" you're watching
They're not to be trusted!
These smart devices - they communicate with the enemy!
I had to get up for a wee the other night
and I caught my electric toothbrush and beard trimmer 
at it on the landing!
Don't trust them! 
They're going to reproduce
and take over.
They're going to take-over the world!
Once the computers and the smart phones get involved - you take care!
It's not called a smart phone for nothing you know!
Hey it's true - the Chinese voices in my head told me so!

A King in a Small Bathroom

You can feel like a king 
if you only have a small bathroom 
for...
if sat on your throne - attending to business 
and you find
the essentials are missing 
you can reach the shelf 
on which these desired requisites are stored
and...
although you now are a king who is forced to do his own bidding
this potential catastrophe...
may be averted!

How I come to write what I write

Washing around my brain
like a washing machine of spinning rain
of stuff it's hoovered up
like thoughts collected in a cup
the stuff that my eyes have seen
and all the stuff in-between 
what we do
and say
and think
like a computer on the blink
a mad collection of thoughts
sometimes ones 
and sometimes noughts 
random ideas I've surmised 
that even get surprised
so I have to get them out
or go mad with out a doubt
my head full of dispairs
like a piano shoved down the stairs
a cacophony of distruction
an alien abduction
takes me into the realm
of a two year old at the helm 
like a political rampage
a lettuce showing its age
a train of thought derailed 
a creative process failed
rubbing passed a thorn
trousers duly torn
blood from in me drawn
and 
so 
a poem 
...is born









Questions

How long is soon
when is later 
and 
how distant is forever?

When does small become large
where is the middle?
and how worrying is confidence?

How often is a lot?
How likely is perhaps?
What is nearly interesting?
How sure is confusion 
what number is insufficient 
how much is roughly 
how huge is a tad
and when is sometime?

How bright is dark
what amount is regularly 
how weak is strength 
how abrasive is silk
how calm is a storm
and how big is wide?

How pleasant is profanity 
What is the best time?
when is maybe?
What shall I do when?
and who shall I do why?
But when shall I stop?

...now!


(Haiku Tanka)


If this haiku is
written in the middle of 
a forest and there's...

no-one is there to read it
does that make it a tanka?