Life According To Adverts

Adverts

Apparently we wake up in a bed 

alongside someone we're obviously not sure about

someone who mentions the wrong type of breakfast cereal

and that you need to get rid of 

using a secret

built in 'getting rid of the person who's in your bed that you're not sure about' device

We go and have a shower

washing our hair in shampoo that doesn't just wash our hair 

it brings peace across the world and cures hunger

using a shower gel that doesn't just clean us

it gets rid of your 'spare tyre'

gives you a '6-pack'

and makes you fives inches taller!

We then brush our teeth with toothpaste that 

strengthens

rebuilds

removes

whitens - then ends all wars

and gives us perfect teeth, of course

then we smother ourselves in colognes 

which drive us through deserts in classic American cars

make us run through huge French chateaus 

with flowing designer dresses 

making us irresistible to the opposite sex - does anyone understand cologne adverts?

In our perfect home 

even our domestic appliances are at it

they connect us to extraordinary - apparently!

I just want a kettle to boil water for a coffee

and a fridge to make sure the milk doesn't go off

We now follow our children around our perfect homes 

with a cloth 

and a cleaning product 

mopping up their mess

a mess which they don't get told to clean up 

stains on floors

dropped food

and don't even mention what the dog did!

And this product

of course which isn't just a cleaning product

it doesn't just kill germs

it kills 99% of germs

germs that are hard to reach

and now cures all known diseases

cures all hunger

and again - gives you perfect teeth!

Everyone has perfect teeth!

The Turks must be going mad!

And with all this mess our children make 

we need our clothes washing

and as if the modern washing powder isn't smelly enough

you have to have a fabric softener with extra scent

and add scent boosters as well

which make people sniff you all day 

because of course if your clothes smell of these scent boosters 

then they must be clean - right?

Now; god forbid there'll be areas of your perfect house 

which might get dirty!

You will have to buy sprays which apparently correct thousands of household problems - like you'd let your dog go and lay on your sofa

and that your perfect house would never smell!

Apparently houses do 

as you now have to have

a plug-in device which sprays scent all over your house 

in a variety of combinations 

mixing 3 smells at random.

Oh and of course you'll have a car 

remember when cars used to just carry you and your family around?

they're now 

electric 

or 

hybrid

it's now an experience 

it's smooth

it's vibrant design

it's connected 

it's emotion - NO! it's a method of getting around!

Then we can take our daughter on this mad shopping spree

buying just what she wants until the bank says NO!

How am I going to pay for or all this I hear you cry!

Don't worry 

We can help you save!

You can invest with us and then buy stuff

or just get a credit card and you can buy all these things 

and live the perfect life - forgetting you have to pay them back

along with an APR of 88% or more!

Do I think adverts live in a real world?

What do you think!

Don't Get Old

Never let your memories know your real age

nor let your actions assume.

Don't stare from an upstairs window

at a world full of youth

never let the words you utter let you down - don't talk about your afflictions 

don't drop your guard by not knowing the current "hit parade"

for...

for your clothes will pass on those signs 

Chinese whispers - don't let them lie

your choice of sensible footwear 

will declare it to your neighbourhood 

the car you drive knows the truth 

and your choice of apps on your chosen mobile phone says it all - if indeed you have one!

be your age - just...

don't get old

What Am I Supposed To Do?

People don't see me.

People don't see the situation I'm in.

How can I get out of something most people don't even see I'm in?

When you're not even visible to most people - how do I get help?

What is help anyway?

What would help me?

Most people don't care about people like me

I'm just something that people walk around

I'm the turd on the pavement that people step in because no-one sees it

and those few who do see it just 

give it a wide birth

and so they don't do anything about it

so walk on

and leave it for someone else to step in.

I am here

"Hello!"

I am here because I have no postcode I could give you

no street that is my street

no house number

nowhere you could drop that parcel off at

no town to call my own town

no people to call my neighbours 

So what if I do spend the money you give me

when I'm out begging for it

on drugs and booze!

So what!

You've never been in my situation 

forced to live out on the streets 

in the cold and wet

Drugs and booze take me away from this hell

for hell is where I am.

No money

No home

No job

No chance of getting a job

No job to get money 

No money to get a home

No home to get a job

No hope...

What am I supposed to do?

The Lottery Terminal

"Hello - just give me a second

I'm just checking your lottery numbers...

Ah

commiserations 

you've not won the lottery again

but we really value your two pound outlay each week

with your lucky numbers 

and you did match two numbers

so...

as we're nice 

and don't want you to work out that you only have the slimmest of chances on winning the jackpot anyway...

here's a free ticket

a free entry for another day

so you can win nothing - another time!"

Outside Looking In

I'm outside looking in

and I'm staring in bewilderment 

at an historical situation 

a political situation

which now has become a military situation 

an argument

a disagreement about rights 

a conflict of opinions 

over lands

and ownership of lands

about the rights - or not

to be on those lands

different factions

different peoples

about their faiths and beliefs 

their opinions - differing opinions

I see people that aren't listening to the words that many are saying

to the advice that is being given

from allies - those who support and supply them

to the mothers who are begging

to the men who are fighting

to children who are dying

to the politicians who are negotiating  

across borders

across contested borders

to those who launch the missiles

their supporters supplied

into lands they call their own

to kill 

to change minds

to change history 

to displace 

people they disagree with

to kill their leaders 

to cut off the heads of the groups they despise 

sat in lands that they believe are theirs

and with fingers on triggers 

and with fingers in ears

some minds set only on what has gone before

making peace a thin vaneer

as fragile as porcelain

these factions will maintain their ground

what little ground they have

but ground they will fight over

in order to keep

for although an international agreement was signed

it was one which not all could agree to

and one which many still disagree over

an agreement which stamped the borders we see now

onto the most unstable part of the world 

an arrangement not all the aggrieved partners took as gospel 

an agreement which saw people displaced from homes

political factions

and locations

neatly set-up 

on top of historical peoples

whose armed factions are prepared to fight to the last man standing 

over their right to be

to be where they believe in

to be where they believe their right is

and where they are prepared to kill 

to keep

kill or be killed

the ideologies are engrained over millennia 

in which all believe 

they are right

but as days pass

over the days I've written this piece

I've observed - and had to write more

to rewrite

for

things have got worse

a change

not for the better

not towards an end - a peaceful end

but more war...

Will this ever end?

Click here to hear me read this piece 

Foolish weren't we

When we were young

we'd fanticize about the future and what it would bring.

We thought we'd be dressed in silver metal suits and have our own flying cars

and we'd all be wearing small communication devices on our wrists!

Maybe we'd have human colonies in space 

even one on mars!

We hoped there'd be robots. 

Robots would do all the chores we hate - like hoovering 

and we'd harness the power of the sun to run it all.

We did worry that every person might have a connected device in their pocket 

like some "big brother" device

watching our every move

tracking us where-ever we went

limiting everything we bought and could do.

We imagined our food would be ordered on this device - coming to us frozen

and we'd be able to cook it in a machine at the push of a button!

We thought that we'd do all our shopping on these devices

and everything would be either delivered to our houses 

...or we'd pick it up from the local petrol station.

Of course we thought we wouldn't need cash anymore 

and we'd never see our money

it would just be paid into a central  Artificial Intelligence or 'AI'

and to buy something over £100 - I know!

One hundred pounds!

...we'd just have to confirm to an 'AI' that we weren't an 'AI' ourselves 

when another 'AI' asked us!

We'd pay for small things by tapping a small...

portable...

device...

onto a terminal...

Foolish weren't we!

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