If I Were Unplugged

The washing machine's telling tales on the smart fridge

she said it was it who wet the floor.

The video doorbell said she didn't see anything 

and the smart TV wasn't sure.

The security cameras; who's job it was

to note what went on and recall

said "not my patch - I don't cover that bit,

I have no intel at all!"

The smart phone - who should know better 

said he was up by the bed

face down on the old bedside table

and couldn't see; and couldn't hear what was said.

The heating controller turned up the heat

by implying the washing machine was lying.

"You're constantly creating a puddle or two"

a fact; there was no denying!

"I am a girl of a certain age; 

and when a girl gets old,

these leaks do happen now and then

'tho I'm pretty good all told"

A tear could be seen

from the old washing machine,

but the smart fridge chipped in with a smile

"You've so much to wash; day in day out,

and you'll do much more 

for a while!"

The fridge opened its doors and reassured; as it hugged...

"I'd do the very same if I where unplugged"

Snot

Snotty noses meant a day off school

and time passed terribly slowly.

Snot poured from your nose

covering all of your bed-clothes

like an slick of green guacamole.

This green sticky stuff which ran from your nose

was the fascination of many a child.

A discovery; once found

was then 'mined' by the pound

driving your poor parents wild.

Snot's about protecting your passages

from where it occasionally leaks

if you sneeze too hard

it can cover your yard

you'll be wiping it up for weeks!

Your nose can make it by the ton

leaving you feeling like death!

You can't properly speak

you'll be bunged up for a week

almost taking your very last breath!

You could try to blow a snot bubble

and break the world record for size

As a snot bubble grows

from the end of your nose

take a snap; and go claim your prize!

(Oh and have a tissue ready for when it bursts!)

Totally unaware

Totally unaware,

two young lovers 

sat in the front seats of a brightly coloured 

sky blue Volkswagen,

discover each others lips.

Sat on a petrol forecourt 

under the canopy

a petrol station on a street 

down the main carriageway 

totally unaware 

off the seafront

past the railway station

up the hill

past the Co-op 

all on a Tuesday evening in a seaside town.

Fish and chips

seagulls and parking wardens

in the watery sun of a late April evening

an evening like any other - yet totally unique.

Humans debating which carwash program to choose,

tapping on screens,

totally unaware 

buying chocolate 

listening to radios

all of us balanced on a rock

in a solar system

totally unaware we are spinning in the nothingness of space

round a huge illuminating street lamp - our sun

all tucked up in the milky way 

itself contained in a single bubble 

trapped in a bottle of washing up liquid 

placed on the side of a vast 'cosmic sink'

awaiting the next dirty plates

around which 

flow the electrons in the circuitry of a cheap 'street light' powered calculator 

the one that was used to work out

how much 'the totally unaware young lovers' bill added up to,

the calculator 

totally unaware 

wanted to know who it was that was pushing it's buttons

performing those calculations

and why it too was at this petrol station 

but not in a sky blue Volkswagen 

and why traffic wardens were eating fish and chips

whilst the washing up liquid was totally unaware 

as to who agitated it to make the bubbles in the first place -

was it a higher being?

Maybe this higher being lives outside our milky way

maybe it's a traffic warden

would they like some fish and chips too?

...it seems we're all just - totally unaware!

(Haiku)

Do I release; to 

do battle with nature, the 

poor trapped ladybird?

(Haiku)

Why is it that, when 

neighbours play loud music, it's 

not a track you like!

(Haiku)

The carwash. It worked,

it broke, was mended, worked a 

bit, then broke again!