Mental Health

There are so many mental health issues to suffer from:

OCD
ADHD
PTSD
Anxiety
Dementia 
Depression
Bipolar
Schizophrenia
Eating Disorders
etc etc etc etc etc...

I think that people who say they don't have a little of one of these don't know they do
How can you not have a little 
of one or two of those?

Take dementia - is it forgetting things?
When is dementia, amnesia?
As you can tell I am no doctor
but there seems a connection 
Can you remember you had amnesia if amnesia is about forgetting things?
Where do your memories go to if you loose them?
They say it's like computers when techies say the file is there
the file maybe there
only the computer has lost the link to it
think of a book with an index but with no page numbers!
But, symptoms of amnesia include more than memory loss
they include confusion - loosing your memory is going to leave you confused!
You have lost the ability to recognise familiar faces or locations
later - after recovery
people typically have no memory of their amnesia - which given it's nature you would expect
but dementia!
when does memory loss become dementia?
Come on we've all had that thought!
symptoms include asking the same questions over and over again
not knowing you're doing it
getting lost in places you knew well
having trouble following recipes or directions - wait a minute
I get these problems all of the time!
...don't you?
does that mean I have dementia?
It's difficult isn't it!

What if you hear voices in your head?
What if the voices in your head are real
well; at least you think they're real!
and how do you know they're not?
What if it's not just you chatting away to yourself? - what do you mean you don't talk to yourself in your head  constantly!
I do!
So what if I hear someone else's voice in my head - sort of interject?
I haven't by the way!

Professionals call hearing voices 'auditory hallucinations'
An 'hallucination' is something you see
taste
smell
or hear 
that other people cannot
so - are they not there then?
If you hear voices
in your head
this means you hear something that other people cannot!
I think it is a good thing you cannot hear the voice in my head - it wants locking up sometimes
and would be of you could hear it!
but it is difficult and it is a fine line

They say 1 in every 8 people in the world lives with a mental disorder
does that mean the other 7 from every 8 are not living with anything?
...I don't think so!

There are so many mental disorders going around
we all must have a little of one or two of them - mustn't we?
Aren't a lot of us prone to feeling down?
Isn't that a little bit of depression?
Aren't a lot of us a bit obsessive about certain things
Isn't that a little bit of OCD?
don't we all forget things?
Is this the start of dementia
well probably not!

Mental disorders involve significant disturbances in thinking
in emotional regulation or behaviour
so what causes disturbing thoughts?
Thoughts you perhaps shouldn't have?
Intrusive thoughts can occur due to various factors 
like during periods of anxiety
stress, depression, trauma
or other underlying mental health conditions
one or two of which I reckon we all have a little of
is it self-perpetuating?
They may be due to imbalances in brain chemistry 
or environmental stress or learned thought patterns.

Take OCD
What is an OCD person like?
Who are they?
Are they different from you or I?
It's not that simple
OCD is intrusive 
people with OCD may have obsessions or compulsions
or both
obsessions could be repeated thoughts
urges or mental images that are intrusive and unwanted
they make most people anxious
so there you go again - if you think you have OCD you might have anxiety too
to a certain level 
then your illness might develop 
your basic OCD might develop into a fear 
a fear of germs or contamination
a fear of forgetting
misplacing something
loosing something 
and then you're back round to thinking you have dementia!

Round and round and round!

Now 
I'm no expert 
and I am not trying to belittle mental health
I have experience in the subject
my Mum died of Altzhiemers 
it was horrible to watch 
an intelligent women
a teacher
a perveyor of knowledge - completely loosing all of hers
to the point where she didn't know who I was
I suffered with depression for many years
brought on partly by her death
she was in her early 50"s
it is a real thing
anyone who thinks they are clear of it needs to be aware
it could be around the next corner
at any level
my Mum's death sent my Dad off the rails and into hospital 
luckily he came through it and is still with us at the age of 91
but...
it - is - real!
and
it - is - out - there!
and it could come knocking on your door at any time
remember - people with a mental illness aren't just feeling a bit pissed off
feeling a bit grumpy
and in need of cheering up...
No!
they are unwell and need various levels of support

...it is so true to say
but please 
take this away with you 

"be nice to people, 
because you don't know what real hell they are going though!"

Thank you

Light in Your Heart

(I don't like giving a piece a description. If it needs one, it's failed. This one is different. These words apply to me and
are my true story. Depression has been a big part of the last 20 years of my life and I saw this as a way of passing on what I went through. Depression is why I got into writing poetry.
Anyone who knows me know, knows me as a happy, bubbly cheerful sort, not depressed, down and on the edge of life... but it was so. The reason why I am so happy these days is because I came through it and can now look back and reflect.
This piece is a concrete poem. I have laid it out so because the gaps are as important as the words. 
I hope you enjoy it and maybe, if you find yourself in a dark place, then maybe you can take solice from it.
Enjoy)


Sometimes you feel...

(Sigh)

         well...

 sometimes you don't feel anything...

            you're stuck in a haze

    ...crying in the night

            ...sometimes you've gone so far

    ...so far beyond the blackness

beyond that feeling 

         ...of descending levels of 'down' 

                    ...so much so that 

that
      thick   
              black   
                      cloak

    ...the one that might partially cover you some days

   ...from time to time

             ...completely engulfs you

like a second skin

   it all fragments

     ...life fragments 

          ...you can't see a way out

you can't see anything but the black...

                But then some days

 ...occasionally 

                 ...now and then

          ...life sometimes becomes a little better
more connected 
             ...not the best
   
                                 ...better
 ...the rhymes still just won't flow
   ...you know what I mean - the breaks aren't always yours

    ...you don't always feel right 

                            like...

you call heads and it comes down tails
however desperate you are 
to pull it all together

to make something chime
   ...you don't feel terrible
but it still doesn't rhyme

   ...but it's still a bit fragmented
a bit like 
   ... seeking life's true colours
but black is all that you see
but it's given you a taste
so you want more
you become desperate to make it right

for just some of the time...
but you can't find the door and you can't make it rhyme

you want life to come back together

...wait!

            ...did you hear that rhyme?

...and you will do one day
                                 ...and see it
did you hear
...did you hear it?

Did you feel the blackness lift
you will get a start
life can come back together
and shine light in your heart 



Day Off Sort Of Day

I've got nothing I must do today but lots of things I want to
it's a 'getting lots of jobs done day' but at a 'day off' sort of pace
I'm driving in the car and I'm singing rather loudly 
in a lazy sort of 'day off' way -  in my own little space

I've got to do the shopping if I don't we'll have no food
but on a 'day off' day with sunshine it's really not a chore 
on a 'day off' sort of shopping day I can really take my time
and because it is a 'day off' day I could even do some more!

I've got to mow the lawn if I don't  someone might complain
but on a 'day off' day with sunshine I'll be done in a thrice!
and on a 'day off' day I can strim the edges
and because it is a 'day off' day I'll have it looking nice!

I've got to walk the dog if I don't she might complain
but on a 'day off' day with sunshine it'll really be a joy
and on a 'day off' day we could walk for many miles 
and because it is a 'day off' day I'll let her take a toy

I've got to do some cooking if I don't wife might complain
but on a 'day off' day with sunshine some cooking will be fine
and on a 'day off' day I could cook for many hours
and because it is a 'day off' day I might have a glass of wine!

I've got a glass of wine and I really can't complain
and on a 'day off' day with sunshine I just might make it two
and on a 'day off' day I'd say it is a lovely drop of red
and because it is a 'I've drunk to much sort of day' I haven't got a clue!

I've got a thumping head and I really have to say
I cannot finish all these jobs
they'll have to wait for another day!




This House

if I found myself alone in this life
I want to stay in this house 
this house is where we had our children
this house is where we loved and nurchered them
then sent them out into the world
there are holes in the walls here with stories to tell
memories at every turn
ghosts of happy times
shrieks of excited children
and the furniture is familiar 
and it also has a tale to tell
I am connected to this house
so connected that I want to - need to stay!

After the children left home
we focused on what it was that brought us together in the first place
what it was that clicked on the station that day
and then most of the time we had together 
together as us
we spent here
in this house
so if I found myself alone in this life
I want to stay in this house
...why would I want to move?



Dressed in Black

A young woman dressed in black
deshevelled - could have been pulled through a hedge backwards just minutes before she came in
a women with a lived in face
she looked like she hadn't slept for a week
I don't think she lived on the street
but she looked like she could have
she had 'lived-in' features
you know
black rings around her eyes
unkempt hair
her makeup hadn't seen the makeup counter at 'Boots' for a while
she had money for fags - but looked liked she really shouldn't smoke so many of them
she had money enough to buy and run a mobile
I guess everyone has these days
she didn't take it from her ear
from entering the shop
until leaving it
save for paying for the fags she bought with it
she had apple pay set up
It went through OK
the chat she was having on her mobile seemed pleasant enough
she left no odurs 
drugs
alcohol
bad hygiene - despite looking a mess.

Who was she?
Was she out on the street?
Was she happy?
Was she safe?
She looked happy enough.
Can people who live on the street be happy?
This lady dressed in black seemed so

(Haiku)

The last weekend, taps
me on the shoulder and says
"no more parties please!"