Light in Your Heart

(I don't like giving a piece a description. If it needs one, it's failed. This one is different. These words apply to me and
are my true story. Depression has been a big part of the last 20 years of my life and I saw this as a way of passing on what I went through. Depression is why I got into writing poetry.
Anyone who knows me know, knows me as a happy, bubbly cheerful sort, not depressed, down and on the edge of life... but it was so. The reason why I am so happy these days is because I came through it and can now look back and reflect.
This piece is a concrete poem. I have laid it out so because the gaps are as important as the words. 
I hope you enjoy it and maybe, if you find yourself in a dark place, then maybe you can take solice from it.
Enjoy)


Sometimes you feel...

(Sigh)

         well...

 sometimes you don't feel anything...

            you're stuck in a haze

    ...crying in the night

            ...sometimes you've gone so far

    ...so far beyond the blackness

beyond that feeling 

         ...of descending levels of 'down' 

                    ...so much so that 

that
      thick   
              black   
                      cloak

    ...the one that might partially cover you some days

   ...from time to time

             ...completely engulfs you

like a second skin

   it all fragments

     ...life fragments 

          ...you can't see a way out

you can't see anything but the black...

                But then some days

 ...occasionally 

                 ...now and then

          ...life sometimes becomes a little better
more connected 
             ...not the best
   
                                 ...better
 ...the rhymes still just won't flow
   ...you know what I mean - the breaks aren't always yours

    ...you don't always feel right 

                            like...

you call heads and it comes down tails
however desperate you are 
to pull it all together

to make something chime
   ...you don't feel terrible
but it still doesn't rhyme

   ...but it's still a bit fragmented
a bit like 
   ... seeking life's true colours
but black is all that you see
but it's given you a taste
so you want more
you become desperate to make it right

for just some of the time...
but you can't find the door and you can't make it rhyme

you want life to come back together

...wait!

            ...did you hear that rhyme?

...and you will do one day
                                 ...and see it
did you hear
...did you hear it?

Did you feel the blackness lift
you will get a start
life can come back together
and shine light in your heart 



Day Off Sort Of Day

I've got nothing I must do today but lots of things I want to
it's a 'getting lots of jobs done day' but at a 'day off' sort of pace
I'm driving in the car and I'm singing rather loudly 
in a lazy sort of 'day off' way -  in my own little space

I've got to do the shopping if I don't we'll have no food
but on a 'day off' day with sunshine it's really not a chore 
on a 'day off' sort of shopping day I can really take my time
and because it is a 'day off' day I could even do some more!

I've got to mow the lawn if I don't  someone might complain
but on a 'day off' day with sunshine I'll be done in a thrice!
and on a 'day off' day I can strim the edges
and because it is a 'day off' day I'll have it looking nice!

I've got to walk the dog if I don't she might complain
but on a 'day off' day with sunshine it'll really be a joy
and on a 'day off' day we could walk for many miles 
and because it is a 'day off' day I'll let her take a toy

I've got to do some cooking if I don't wife might complain
but on a 'day off' day with sunshine some cooking will be fine
and on a 'day off' day I could cook for many hours
and because it is a 'day off' day I might have a glass of wine!

I've got a glass of wine and I really can't complain
and on a 'day off' day with sunshine I just might make it two
and on a 'day off' day I'd say it is a lovely drop of red
and because it is a 'I've drunk to much sort of day' I haven't got a clue!

I've got a thumping head and I really have to say
I cannot finish all these jobs
they'll have to wait for another day!




This House

if I found myself alone in this life
I want to stay in this house 
this house is where we had our children
this house is where we loved and nurchered them
then sent them out into the world
there are holes in the walls here with stories to tell
memories at every turn
ghosts of happy times
shrieks of excited children
and the furniture is familiar 
and it also has a tale to tell
I am connected to this house
so connected that I want to - need to stay!

After the children left home
we focused on what it was that brought us together in the first place
what it was that clicked on the station that day
and then most of the time we had together 
together as us
we spent here
in this house
so if I found myself alone in this life
I want to stay in this house
...why would I want to move?



Dressed in Black

A young woman dressed in black
deshevelled - could have been pulled through a hedge backwards just minutes before she came in
a women with a lived in face
she looked like she hadn't slept for a week
I don't think she lived on the street
but she looked like she could have
she had 'lived-in' features
you know
black rings around her eyes
unkempt hair
her makeup hadn't seen the makeup counter at 'Boots' for a while
she had money for fags - but looked liked she really shouldn't smoke so many of them
she had money enough to buy and run a mobile
I guess everyone has these days
she didn't take it from her ear
from entering the shop
until leaving it
save for paying for the fags she bought with it
she had apple pay set up
It went through OK
the chat she was having on her mobile seemed pleasant enough
she left no odurs 
drugs
alcohol
bad hygiene - despite looking a mess.

Who was she?
Was she out on the street?
Was she happy?
Was she safe?
She looked happy enough.
Can people who live on the street be happy?
This lady dressed in black seemed so

(Haiku)

The last weekend, taps
me on the shoulder and says
"no more parties please!"

Big City

Big city
a city heat
relentless 
no air
can't open the window
can't cool down 
no breeze
nowhere to go
into the night
the iron road
rumbling over the viaduct 
up from the coast to this big city
noisy late night traffic down endless streets
noisy neighbours
music playing
arguements 
back-firing cars
revving engines
police sirens 
no peace
endless
turn into another street
off this road
into another
down this street
into another
round this roundabout
into another
through these traffic lights
into another
down this sliproad
into another
and another
and another
houses and houses and houses
claustrophobic big city
confusing
disorienting
bewildering
where am I
which way do I go
am I in the right lane
am I on the right road?
Big city
Not my city
Not my village
Not me
No!