Welcome to the great day!
The stage is set,
we are here at the Horncastle community hall,
beautifully bedecked with "take away wrappers" and disgarded bottles of "Diamond White".
The front door has been screwed back on for the occasion.
The broken window covered especially with the cardboard from a walkers crisp box.
The "druggies" normally found 'round
the back of the building have been given a wrap each to stay away for the day or the police will be called - not that they'll do anything!
The carpark at the front of the centre still contains the burnt out Vauxhall Corsa,
present when the community centre was last used for its planned intention, ie: a centre for the community.
The council houses which surround the centre have their windows wide open with loud music playing - exhaulting the event!
Wayne and Tracy at number 13 play some "Dubstep" which they like to share with their neighbours from the half discarded sofa dumped in their front garden - whether they like it or not!
At 45 minutes past the arranged start time - Daz had been out on a bender the night before and didn't hear the alarm clock go off because he had the mother of all hang-overs!
The couple arrive in the Ford Sierra Mk II,
stolen the night before especially for the day!
Both participants are carrying the traditional large "Red Bull" in hand,
in an attempt to wake up in time for the ceremony - that being,
the crowning of Daz "the razor" Tucker and Marlene Davis-Ramsbottom,
drug King and drug Queen of this particular patch.
The crowds have gathered - well they are mostly users trying to buy a fix despite having been bought off for the day!
They push and jossle trying to buy a wrap or two from Daz
The sacred couple brush past the users and enter the inner sanctum of the community centre
The "god awful" smell of urine has been bleached away especially for today by "Tommy the dip" who pinched a couple of bottles of Domestos from the local corner shop and sprinkled it around the place in the ancient ceremony of "the vanishing of the stench"
The invited guests,
who were also as late as Daz and Tracy,
stand around,
some still in their pajamas and slippers as is traditional,
many with young children barely dressed at all,
children with the cheese of "Babybel" and the most exhalted "peperami firestick" firmly in hand - commonly their only meal of the day,
on this great day!
These are the offspring who will continue the tradition to pledge their benefit money to their lord and master - and supplier
whilst the parents desperate for a fix
call out the long-established "chant of desire"
"Have you got my next fix Daz? Here's twenty quid!"
and Daz slips the lucky few a small wrap for free which is traditional in the crowning ceremony!
The bent copper,
bought off by Daz who presides over the ceremony,
holds out his hand to receive the "bung of this manor" - a traditional offering,
given by drug dealers stretching back many generations,
to appease the bent copper and to keep the "filth' off their patch.
Daz hands this particular "bent copper" a large wad of "twenties" which again in tradition,
the copper not trusting the drug dealer
even though they are as bent as each other - the copper counts in front of the congregation,
folds it,
then sticks it in the inside pocket of his ceremonial jacket.
In so secreting the large wad of cash
this signals to the drug dealer and the to the congregation,
the confirmation of his freedom to continue his naferious drug pedaling activities - for now!
One of the congregation fires up a popular tune from a "Spotify play-list" and hooks it up via "Bluetooth" to a "wireless speaker" in the corner.
A member of the congregation then offers a reading from the third line of the graffiti scrawled on an adjacent wall
"...is a tosser!"
The bent copper performs the classical "quick exit" as the music plays.
The congregation follows.
One, as is traditional,
slips the wifi speaker under his coat thinking it'll make a few quid in the pub later,
and as if by magic,
the congregation disappear,
quicker than a "tenner" in a pub just in case the "filth" are in the area.
The classical music can be heard around the estate as this timeless ceremony closes.
