Finding yourself at twelve - being twelve years old
is finding yourself in a time of many physical, mental and emotional changes puberty strikes!
your hormones are changing
you know you are changing - but you don't know why!
you certainly don't know what you're changing into
as it goes
you are quite happy with your life
I was quite happy with my life at twelve
you're actually quite happy having your parents look after you
feed and clothe you
give you pocket money to waste on rubbish
drive you to school - in fact 
school was the biggest thing being asked 
of the twelve year old you
the rest of the time you could act the fool
twang girls bras
and nothing much more was expected of you - why wouldn't you be happy!

This is a picture of my very middle class twelve year old life by the way
the son of teachers
nice house
small boat
two cars
long summer holidays in France
presents at Christmas and birthdays
hey, we are all prisoners to our upbringing 
I'm sorry if this wasn't your image of twelve!

As a twelve year old I knew about this change
I could feel it
but what was this hair thing!
most boys grew facial and pubic hair
I grew hair everywhere 
except on the soles of my feet and the palms of my hands!

What was this change all about?
At twelve I knew the mechanics of sexual reproduction
and I knew that girls were very very interesting 
and that they hadn't grown hair!
but why hadn't they grow hair 
like me!

I think at twelve I would have been happy to stay as I was
not knowing anything about adulthood
of course that's what all those changes were making me
preparing me for becoming an adult 
a grown up man
having a deeply manly voice
but what was being an adult!
I didn't know about working 9 to 5 for 45 years
paying a mortgage for 30 years to put a roof over my own head
not having my parents sort out everything 
to have responsibilities!
Why the hell wouldn't I want to stay twelve!

But then here I am
and I managed to make that transition
and cross the void from once being twelve
being selfish
...for let's face it
at twelve
you are a bit like that aren't you?
"Mum I'm hungry!"
"Mum I'm thirsty, hot, cold, blue, green,  upsidedown etc etc etc"
not doing any thing for yourself really
obviously being the son of two teachers 
I was taught to cook and clean and knit and sew and wire a plug
"but I'm twelve you surely don't meant I must use these new skills!" 

So twelve?
What age would I like to choose to be frozen in time at?
Would it be twelve?
Having worked it all out
well most of it - I still can't work out why humans think leaf-blowers are a cool idea
having worked out what all the hair is about
if you don't know me I have long hair and have had some sort of beard since I was eighteen 
having worked out that growing up meant maturing - maturing!
indeed boys do take longer to mature
if they do it at all - I still laugh at things I'm told I perhaps shouldn't
like farting for instance
but I don't twang my wife's bra as it's annoying and immature - apparently 

...maybe not

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