Beautiful Shiny Things

I like pretty things
shiny
pretty things!
See the radiance in my face when I'm near them
see how I am when I wear them
see how beautiful they make me look!
I am what the Magpie is said to be
...but isn't.

I like the glint of diamonds
see how they light my face
I like the colour of gold
and the sparkle of silver
see them light my eyes when I touch them!

Look at those shiny things,
those beautiful shiny things!

Roads

Black tar clad goliaths stride across the land!
On their backs 
creatures scurry here and there 
oblivious to all around
spitting out their noise and fumes
poisoning the humans that live around them
close to them
under them!

Hundreds and thousands of them!
Speeding
queuing
stopping
starting
fast
slow
small creatures carrying humans
creatures containing groups of humans
larger creatures carrying things for humans to feed upon
creatures carrying other creatures
tiny creatures carrying a single human
creatures pulling white boxes
in and around our communities 
scurrying here and there!

These creatures are relentless!
Do they know where they're going?
Who is controlling them?
Are they under control?
Where will it end?
When!


Scottish Street Names

Romford
Dreelside
Wadeslea
Shoolbraids
Kingslaw
Nethergate
Keilburn
Back Dykes
South Feus
The Toft
Back Gate
South Loan
West Brae
Kirk Gate
Bow Butts
Back Style
The Scores
Burial Brae
Lady Wynd
Friday Walk
Bortree Brae
Carlin Craig
Station Loan
Larkfield Neuk
Harbour Wynd
Routine Row
Peasehill Grait
Dick Crescent 
Birrels Wynd
Citron Glebe
Waulkmill Loan
Johsburgh Haig
Tarvit Court
Tolbooth Wynd
Castaway Lane
Upper Wellheads
Woodall Millbrae
David the First Street
Easter Currie Cresent



Falling out with Sat-Nav

*At the next junction turn left, right?
I mean turn left, OK. Just turn left, we're not going on a route march!

*I can see that you and I are not going to get on!

*No, it's no good changing my voice settings, I'll still have the same snotty attitude!

*Carry straight ahead for 10 miles, I need to go for a wee so won't be here for two minutes...
Right! I'm back.
Well tough. When a Sat Nav needs a wee, a Sat Nav needs a wee!

*No it was the second exit on that roundabout you needed, sorry,  I forgot to say!

*Turn around where possible. No the car, idiot! 

*At the next roundabout take the 3rd exit.
What do you mean there are only two exits, what's the point of building a bloody roundabout then!

*Don't you get shirty with me. If you're so brilliant at navigation, why have you got me!?

*In 1 mile, take the exit marked "Town Centre", keep in the right lane, two lanes out from the one on the left, the one with the very suspect road surface, then immediately turn left, stick the middle finger of your right hand up your left nostril and sing the "Star Spangled Banner!"
OK, so I might have made some of that up!

*You're lost!

*I'm lost!

*How am I supposed to help you get there when you don't even know where 'there's is!?

*Well turn me down why don't you but you're nothing without me!

*This is all going to end badly you know!




Scotland through the car window


huge wind turbines sprouting from breezy hilltops
heather clad mountains
famous rivers
railways
passing trains 
famous bridges over famous rivers
forests 
pylons striding across the countryside
locals walking home with a 'bottle or two
long rows of tiny cottages with tiny doors 
hill tops in the sunshine
huge black clouds
a women on a mobility scooter
roundabouts
vast skies and huge vistas 
holiday locations
an old lady smoking a fag
fields full of combine harvesters 
antenna topped mountains
Christmas trees in August 
fields of corn and sheep
bales of hay awaiting collection
highland cattle with huge horns
places whose names appear on the football scores
castles
old castles
very old castles
newish castles
ruined castles
foreboding castles defending their hill tops
vast golden fields and remote farmsteads
small fields
huge fields
petrol stations
funny looking stone barns in the middle of fields
houses with stepped gable-ends
long stone walls
posh gateways to posh houses
posh hotels with fancy prices
signs to places with familiar names
famous golf courses
Lochs and Universities you've heard of
beautiful harbours you haven't
caravan parks 
stacked precariously on shear cliffs
stacked full of caravans 
village shops
'nic-nac' emporiums
tea rooms and cafes
pubs full of people outside
post offices and delicatessens
churches with ornate towers in villages with pretty names
harbours and boats and ships
people you know
people you don't 
crows and seagulls
coastlines and country lanes
oil rigs
dogs on leads
islands
people exploring streets with funny sounding names
busy towns
quiet villages
quiet towns and busy villages
queuing motorways
the police at speed
and chip shop suppers

...the Scotland we saw through the car window

There Sits I - Transmogrify!

There sits I - transmogrify
(waiting)
time passing by
(frustrating)
staring at the sky
(debating)
what if I?
(contemplating)
wide open eyes
(dilating)
mind starts to fly
(speculating)
to live or to die?
(equating)
bigger fish to fry!
(placating)
Hello or Goodbye
(rotating)
cause an outcry
(agrivating)
mess like a pig sty
(agitating)
be the wise guy
(advocting)
the palace of Versailles 
(migrating)
do I qualify?
(indicating)
Let me simplify
(call waiting)
here, let me try...

unhesitating
reverberating
undiviating
subordinating.

Oversimplify?
There sits I
Transmogrify!