Edinburgh

Historic streets
names you know
names you can list
rammed with people
pouring off pavements and onto the streets
people of every hue
tongue religion and creed
as if...
as if the whole world were here
just to see the sights
to pay to jump on a bus 
to stroll around and gawp
to gawp at the bricks and mortar
at the sights of historical significance
to know about the events and happenings of years gone by
to hear about the people of significance 
the people who invented and created
painted, wrote, built
to see which house they used to live in
to identify just who it is 
remembered on which plinth
or obelisk
or grand archway 
or blue plaque fixed by some grand doorway
all the things that happened here
listed for us
like a city's CV
"Edinburgh is a good team player and is iT literate"
all those shops selling endless tat
all aimed at tourists
claiming to be more Scottish than Scotland itself
things they never knew they needed
things to stuff in their suitcases and try to get through customs
caps to keep the sun off their heads
and any number of variations of fridge-magnets to stick on fridges all over the world
they stand on street corners with cameras as big as your arm and snap away
holding mobile phones
either in their hands or on "selfie-sticks"
images then sent instantly around the globe
and then 
when the sun goes down
the crowds thin a little
all heading inside into restaurants and bars
or onto one of the specialized night-time tours
ghost tours
comedy ghost tours
haunted history tours
by foot or on ghostly painted buses
they wring out every drop of the city
they visit everything they've been told they must visit
...and then
like the wilderbeast on the plains...
they move on








(Haiku)

sat in the silence 
of nature contimplating 
breakfast - nothing else

The Siege Of Stirling Castle 1304 - 2023

Across the heavily defended bridge that spans the critical forth river crossing 
into the town of Stirling and up to the castle...
the tourist come
cars ladened
filling the carparks
tearing the town apart for what they can use to attack the castle with
large rucksacks full with picnic lunches
flasks of tea and bottles of water 
all dressed ready for a battle
hiking boots - check!
sensible coats - check!
walking-poles - check!
factor 50 - check!
then,
once at the castle 
cash aplenty 
they buy their way in through the castle walls
whilst out on the lawns it's icecreams served at tourist prices 
a carpark where battles raged
soldiers died in a fight for a castle
which meant a fight for a kingdom 
now it's twenty quid to get in - a price the rampaging hoards couldn't even imagine 
the cannons which once blazed
attempting, but failing to breach the thick stone walls 
are now for sitting on and taking selfies
and standing tall 
on a plinth on the manicured lawns
a stout metal fence around him
keeping him safe from the maraurding hoards of tourists
"Robert the Bruce" - 1247 to 1329

Monies paid - their access is assured
endless feet trample through the breached gateway
armed with QR codes to scan for those who booked online
or cash and cards for those who didn't 
all making for the gift shop via the toilets
whilst mighty siege engines - "the trebuchet
hurl lead balls
made on site from lead stripped from nearby church roofs
anything they could find
sandwiches bought from a supermarket in the town
near the multi-story carpark where they left their steeds
swords
daggers, shields and guidebooks 
audio descriptions to download at three quid a pop 
tell the castles story in a language of your choosing
tread where the faithful fought to defend their very being
slaughtered and died
and all this that we have come to see
many many hundreds of years after the event
moaning about how steep it is up from the town
with an ice cream in one hand
and a mobile phone in the other 
(with a QR code ready 'cos we had the foresight to book ahead)
to walk in their very footsteps - albeit in far more comfortable footwear
we come to look - but will never fully realise 
what hell went on here!

Dunblane March 1996


At 9.30am on the 13th of Match, 1996
eighteen of the people who went to Dunblane primary school that day were not to return home
sixteen were young, innocent school children who just went to learn
one was an adult, a dedicated teacher who just went to teach them
another one, an adult 
just went to cause mayhem and murder
and in just four minutes
in a premeditated act
he slaughtered seventeen innocent people 
and lives were changed forever
the name of a once peaceful town would forever be associated with the slaughter of innocence
and to this day, this remains the most deadliest shooting in British history.
In Dunblane Cathedral a memorial reads:

"But still I dream that somewhere there must be the spirit of a child that waits for me"

Matrix Warning Sign Messages

(Matrix signs on motorways are meant to inform, advise or warn drivers. Some make sense than others! - some of the following message are valid messages)

Don't jam potatoes up other peoples exhausts
Buying a fish a bicycle wastes money!
Seat belts! Front and back!
Marmalade makes your fingers sticky!
Tuck the curtain in when showering
If you can't read this get your eyes tested
Fish fingers are not the fingers of fish
Don't stick your finger in your ear when driving
Drive safe!
Don't ask a pigeons for directions
Stick that in your pipe and smoke it!
Sheep -  turn left at the traffic-lights 
Frustration causes accidents!
Driving tired kills!
Pass the 'dutchie' on the left-hand side
It's a long way to tiperary!




20's Plenty


At nought - a thought
10 now and then
20's plenty
30's flirty
40's naughty
50's shifty
At 66 you get your kicks
77 is the stairway to heaven 
at 88 it might be too late
for at 99 hear sirens whine
at a hundred and one your race is run