The Universe

Q: How did the universe begin?

A: The universe began with an explosion of whatever matter was there at the time - humans have called this event "The Big Bang!"

Q: Ah but what was there before the big bang?

A: Well, in 1927, Georges Lemaître proposed that the universe started as a 'singularity"...

You know:

"the state, fact, quality, or condition of being singular". 

I think he meant

"It just was - so shut up and except it!

...and it expanded because of the big bang.

Q: So what caused the big bang?

A: The big bang came about  because every bit of what was to become the universes energy was all squashed into a very, very small area.

You know like when you try to push too much shopping into your one shopping bag - you never have enough shopping bags with you do you, 

then as you try to push that one last item in, it all starts to pop out, 

the bag bursts 

and you end up with your shopping all over the floor with a frustrated queue of people behind you at the checkout!

This is what happened to create the universe. 

Someone or something tried to put too much cosmic shopping into an already densely packed cosmic shopping bag 

which then exploded - dropping cosmic shopping all over the floor! 

This time with such an unimaginable force, 

it created the matter we know as the universe, 

propelling it outwards.

Q: Yeah, but how do we get to the universe as we now know it?

A: Space expanded, 

the overfilled cosmic shopping bag, the contents of which had exploded  

is the universe, 

it started to cool, 

you would get a bit heated if your shopping bag burst,

and the simplest of elements were formed. 

Gravity gradually drew matter together 

like the cashier running round trying to pick up all your grocers from the floor into another bag - for which they charged you 35p,

all of which then formed the first stars and the first galaxies.

Q: So is the universe is still expanding?

A: Well you would have thought so! That shopping you dropped got everywhere, 

those tomatoes rolled five aisles away!

There's a twist! Modern science has been able to determine that the universe is still expanding and it is expanding in all directions,

much like your shopping did!

Q: So what is the universe expanding into?

A: Ah! Here is the twist!

Apparently, the universe isn't rolling five aisles away, it isn't expanding into anything!

The expansion of the universe is with time, 

like your tomatoes rolled five hours away but are still there with you in the space the till, the checkout, 

the irate people in the queue and the frantic cashier take up!

It is an intrinsic expansion; the universe does not expand "into" anything and does not require space to exist "outside" it.

I will just give you a minute for your brains to cool down

I repeat:

"It is an intrinsic expansion; 

the universe does not expand "into" anything and does not require space to exist "outside" it."

"Intrinsic: belonging to the essential nature or constitution of a thing."

From this point on we get into the realm of fairies, unicorns and pixies 

and it sounds like science doesn't really know - and so is making it up

because...

Outside this expansion lies a higher dimensional

 "space-time" universe 

which we are unfolding into. 

Since it is higher dimension, 

we cannot see, 

detect, 

or comprehend it!?

SO HOW DO WE KNOW IT'S THERE?!!!!

You get what I mean? 

Making it up!

At this point, the cashier might as well be a unicorn, 

the till "The Never Never Land" 

and the irate people behind you in the queue, 

a talking Lion!

Yet another hypothosis is that we are stuck inside the black hole of a larger universe outside of it.

Now...

Does any of it matter? 

As we struggle to get the last 5p you need to pay the bus driver your exact fare, 

out of your pocket, 

to get into town, 

to do your shopping, 

with your one shopping bag, 

so as when you get to the cashier, 

it won't all fit in your bag, 

and your bag explodes...

Does it matter?

Probably not!

So don't worry!

Thank you.