The teenage years - they're a challenge aren't they!
They're supposed to be the time when the process of maturing - physically
mentally
and emotionally
...occur
but until your teenage years
the biggest challenge of life was
"what was for tea
and what was on the telly"
...and nothing else matters!
Then you hit the teenage years and suddenly
your brain seems to have been taken out
secretly over night
and washed in the washing machine
on a long
and hot cycle
then put back - but not properly
and now nothing seems to be working like it used to
and you are suddenly overcome by the need to argue with everyone
or disagree with everyone strongly
and stomp off
or try new things out
like
pushing the limits of your parents patience
or being pleasant
or veganism
you don't want to eat the crap your parents stick in front of you...
anyway
what the hell do they know
they've never been a teenagers!
so you try smoking
alcohol
maybe vaping - well everyone else is
and then if all that isn't enough
your body throws a fit
and starts to change in weird ways
and you need to take stock
and get a handle on all these things
you need to understand the changes that your body is going through
and why
looking in a mirror is a traumatic event
for...
just why has your face exploded
with grease and puss and hair
and now looks like a war zone
and quite why there is just enough stubble to look terrible
but not enough to properly call it a beard
and so to look cool
and anyway
when you try to shave off this "bum-fluff"
you take out the heads of a hundred zits
which have turned up
uninvited
all over your face
and you loose half your blood
and it hurts like hell when you splash on that aftershave
the one from the ad you saw on Instagram
which said would make you irresistible to those you desire - but you couldn't understand how
or why
and so
just when you've noticed the opposite sex
or the same sex - you're not fully sure which one really
does it for you
whatever it is
and so when you finally feel something for someone
you get:
"OMG - why is my penis doing that!?"
you don't know what
but you do know
you think these other people seem very... interesting
but you don't know why
but you do know about sex
because the teacher slid a condom onto a banana in class
saying this is how to prevent having a baby
and you do consider yourself an expert on that
but you just want to...
well...
"slip a condom onto a banana" with somebody
and you know you need to look your best if you are going to find someone - anyone!
and when you're not able to
and you're told by your mates - well at least they say they have...
"done it"
and you haven't
you think must be a freak
and have something wrong with you
is the splash-on deodorant not working?
Am I putting enough on?
So you go to school smelling like the perfume counter at "Boots"
and you get into trouble
because your mates rip the hell out of you
mostly the ones who said that they'd - ya know...
"done it"
...and with all this going on
you haven't noticed...
that...
time is passing...
and that you're growing into this "new future"
and that those random clumps of hair
seem to be forming themselves
into a more cohesive
beard like structure
and you've worked out that the "tossers" who say they have... "done it"
...haven't
and anyway you know that no banana is required
and they probably think
one is required
and you know that they aren't required
not in your life anyway
and that you're happier without them
and you are now happy looking in the mirror
because it's not a war zone
and that you have had chats with girls
and you thought that they are... alright...
especially that one girl
in your class at college
who's always in the college cafe at lunch time
who looks really nice
who you might buy a coffee for
and...
well maybe ask her out...
maybe
and...
who knows...
maybe...
we might slip a condom on a banana together!
