Old Men

Old men.
Natures cantankerous,
curmudgeonly old grumps.
Good for nothing,
drained of life,
past their prime,
near their end
...sort of old men.

Benches are where these old men can be found.
Benches in our high streets,
benches at bus stops,
benches in parks and on seafronts,
old men sat on benches.
Swaddled in large over-coats,
polished shoes,
a cap and a scarf
...or worn out 'trackies
a sweatshirt and a faded denim jacket,
(memories of their youth),
a 'fag' on the go,
seemingly stuck to their bottom lip
...sort of old men.

Sat behind blank stares,
their 'get-up-and-go' had just 'got-up-and-gone'
confused by the life they find themselves in,
looking for all the world like it just ran past them,
wondering what the hell happened,
wondering where the hell it all went,
talking to no-one,
talking to anyone,
anyone who'd listen
sort of old men.

Sitting to rest and think,
sitting to remember,
or to forget.
Looking at the world around them, 
trying to connect with it,
trying to feel involved in it
wanting to feel apart of it,
...but not really getting it,

Sort of old men.

The Big C

"The big C",
Suffering from it
living with it
standing up to it
coping with it, (or not),
struck down with it
"taken by it"
dying from it
don't mention it!
Don't say it!
It
It
It.

Certain?
Certainly!
Certainty.
Uncertainty.
What's certain?
Tomorrow isn't certain.
Was our upbringing?
Were our children?
Was our adulthood?"
Will our history?
Certainty?
Certainly uncertain.

Questions.
Where have I?
What have I?
Why have I?
What does it?
Where does it?
Why does it?
How long have I got?
Where
What
Why?
Why?
Why!

Care.
Who cares?
The help.
The treatments.
The cures.
Surgery.
Chemotherapy, 
radiation therapy, 
hormonal therapy, 
targeted therapy.
Where are the promises in all that therapy?
Therapy 
therapy 
therapy!

Language becomes personal.
You must have an internal...
You must give us...
We need, 
we must have,
your blood,
your urine,
your feces.
Book here for..
X-rays,
tests,
biopsies,
poking,
prodding,
we must explore for the unexpected. 
"Unexpected bleeding in the bagging area!"
Lumps and bumps.
Breasts.
Prostate.
Anus.
Lungs.
Unexpected 
Unexpected 
Unexpected.

Statistics.
1.9 million.
1 in 2 men
1 in 3 women
200 different.
36%.
375,400.
167,142.
50%.
30%.
25%
10%
Stage 1, 2, 3, 4!
Doubled.
Twice as.
four times as much as...
It's all statistics. 

Side effects.
Hair loss.
Weight gain.
Weight loss!
Bloating and bleeding.
Blood when you cough.
Blood when you sneeze.
Blood when you vomit.
Blood when you.
Blood when...
Blood.
Blood. 
Blood.

Changes.
Breathlessness.
Change.
Chest pains.
Change.
Moles.
Change.
Itchy or flaky?
Change.
Size.
Changing.
Different.
Changing.
Have I.
Changed?

...and has it changed the way I'll die?






Now My Summers Gone

It is the autumn of my life - my finale.
From skudding clouds the raindrops fall
grey, so grey no clouds at all, - nor sky,
just clouds of leaves, summers thieves -
fly by.
The call of winter's strong,
my summer's now long gone.

Days weeks and months drift by - unnoticed.
The hands of time spin so fast,
time once mine no more will last - akin to,
grains of sand through fingers; land - I knew.
The memories of my spring,
still make my heart sing!

People places times now gone - fading.
Remember the warmth that touched my face
my world ran at a different pace - with choices,
a purposeful stride, troubles pushed aside - those voices.
Say go and find out more
there's a whole world out there to explore!

I grew in mind body and soul - empowered.
Discovering the world; and there did meet
a soul to make my life complete - the one,
that someone who, would help me through - I won.
A life together spent
a soul that heaven sent.

It is time to look back - reflect.
I sit with autumn scattered 'round
its golden cloak covers the ground - now sleep.
I have achieved, all that I believed - I'd reap.
My soul can move on
now my summers gone.




Now A Memory

The 'gin clear' skies that brought the early morning moon 
brought the first frost of autumn.
A mist in the valley hung over the sparkling grass under the tread of the sheep there grazing.
The sun shone brightly but didn't warm
glinting through the cold drops of dew 
suspended from the farmers gate.
My cold nose ran,
my breath condensed in front of me
and the nip at the tips my fingers
told me that summer was now a memory 

The Creswell I Remember

Creswell was the pit.
The pit was Creswell.
I thought everything was covered in coal dust.
In fact 
the pit put food on the tables of my relatives.
Its winding wheels,
the large wheels which pulled the cables
lifting men from the centre of the earth - or so I thought,
now adorn the entrance to the village,
unceremoniously cut to make a display.
...I once saw them spin.
A small piece of me is forever Creswell.
'Pit Bridge' up the lane at the top of Morven Street 
spanned the railway which sent the 'black gold' out to the world,
crossing the line,
the metal structure echoing under the stomp of our Clark's shoes as we crossed.
If we were lucky
a train would pass underneath us!
...I can hear it all now.
Morven Street, Skinner Street, Duke Street, Welbeck Street,
names I remember.
Family members lived and worked in the village,
relatives,
my relatives,
people we came up from Devon over-night to see.
This was the place of my parents upbringing.
My parents lived here,
but I have memories too.
In my mind I can see small industrial steam locos 
shunting coal wagons at the bottom of Grandad Cockings garden in Skinner Street,
on lines long since closed.
Crossing gates closed on Elmton Road.
There was 'Hallams' the butchers on the corner of Duke Street and Morven Street 
the ones who made the 'Tomato Sausages' which I didn't like,
and Jones'es 'Beer Off' in Movern Street which would serve bottled beers to us children when we were sent to fetch them.
There was a corner shop that we walked to from Granny and Grandad Cockings house at the top of Skinner Street.
We'd buy bottles of 'Dandilion and Burdock'
which seemed very exotic at the time!
The shop's now just houses I think.
Grandad Cockings duck-egg blue 
Ford Escort Mk 1 was in his garage.
The Grandfather clock which sat on the half landing at 70 Skinner Street,
chiming all night long 
...but nobody seemed to care,
the one that now sits silently in my lounge.
High teas with maiden aunts at number 35 Skinner Street,
best silver and lace doilies no less!
The smell of bacon cooking,
wafting down Morven Street out of Granny Thompsons 'Vent Axia' from her kitchen,
the one with the 'Rayburn' and the 'Bush' radio.
Grandad Thompson's shed at the end of the garden at Morven St,
filled the nostrils with smells of coal,
paraffin and oil,
when I breath in now,
I can can still smell it!
Jam jars fixed to the under side of shelves,
full of screws and fixings of every kind,
labelled of course!
...Grandad labelled everything!
The garage on his allotment behind Morven Street which housed his 'J' reg
turquoise coloured Mini,
'Mr A',
and before that,
his dark green Austin 1100 which he called 'Sal' because of its registration plate.
S.A.L.
The marks Grandad Thompson made on the outside of the shed which showed how tall we'd grown since our last visit. 
The beautiful tone of Grandad Thompson's 'wireless' which sat under the table in the window of the lounge 
and which also sits silently in my lounge!
'Pot Black' on their colour telly.
'Pears Soap' and the pink bathroom suite with the huge mirror next to the bath
and the comforting feel of smooth cotton sheets on their huge double bed.
Warm and safe.
This was my family 
and this is the Creswell I remember. 

Headlines

Long queues on the M4 due to mental breakdown.
Pensioner from Gateshead can't afford to die.
Male teenager didn't stab someone. 
Loose slabs of grass involved in turf wars.
Small brown bird with red breast accused of Robin.
Prime Minister to ban older women looking after your children for money saying, this is not a nanny state.
Electric vehicle charged.